my boyfriend won’t use condoms…
Unpublished post, originally written 10/28/08 for my now defunct state of sex education blog on gURL.
Q: My boyfriend won’t use condoms. I can’t get the pill because my mom would find out. Is there any way to have sex and not get pregnant?
A: Your boyfriend is by no means the only guy in the world refuse to use condoms, but I’d like to think his type is a dying breed.
You don’t mention why he is opposed. Does he claim that condoms are too small? In that case, you could always go for an extra large condom.
Does he have a latex allergy? If so, use a polyurethane or female condom.
Does he promise to pull out in time? You might want to remind him that even if he succeeds, there is no way to control when he releases pre-cum, which in rare cases can lead to pregnancy.
Is he trying to get you pregnant? If that’s not something you want, you really might want to rethink the relationship.
Actually, if this guy is putting you at risk for any reasons, you might want to ask yourself why you are with a person who doesn’t seem to care about your health or safety.
Look, no one is going to pretend that having sex with a condom is exactly the same as having sex without one. But I’d challenge this guy to find teen parents whose sex lives are exactly like they were before the baby. Or someone with an STD, who hasn’t felt their infection impact sex at all.
The only way to reliably prevent a pregnancy is to use birth control. If condoms and the pill aren’t options, you can try spermicide. However, this is one of the least effective forms of birth control around. If you have really regular periods, you can also consider natural family planning. But again this method doesn’t offer you 100% pregnancy protection.
I know it’s easy to tell someone to break up with a guy who won’t use condoms, and a lot harder to actually do so. But often guys who don’t care about their partner’s health, also don’t care about other aspects of their happiness or safety.
Have other gURLs been in this situation? How have you handled it?
